


I Want the Fairytale

by Utterly_insane



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Pretty Woman (1990)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pretty Woman Fusion, Bottom Joker (DCU), Bruce Wayne is a daddy, Bruce is himself pretty much, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Jay is a prostitute, Joker is Jay, Joker is a little shit, M/M, No Batman, Top Bruce Wayne, dark pasts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:47:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21523174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Utterly_insane/pseuds/Utterly_insane
Summary: Because every ship deserves a Pretty Woman AU :)
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 7
Kudos: 71





	I Want the Fairytale

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired because I re-watched Pretty Woman the other night and the new Joker movie got me feeling shit. When I wrote this, I envisioned a hybrid between Heath's Joker, Joaquin's Joker and of course Lego Joker because he's just too damn cute. Obviously Christian Bale's my Bruce Wayne but feel free to ignore some descriptions and imagine whoever the fuck you want.

Jay cautiously reached down and pulled up the faulty zip on his thigh high heeled-boots; his purple mini skirt riding up as he did so. An unconscious sigh of relief escaped his red-painted lips when no one had come up behind him and touched him in places no one should ever touch without permission. He really didn't want to get his favourite yellow blouse stained with blood, he'd had to throw out his green top the last time that happened and not to mention, deal with the cops explaining how it had been self defence. The chilly autumn night was full of life in this part of town, drunks rushing in and out of pubs and strip clubs. Bright neon lights illuminated the road and loud music along with constant chatter filled the spaces in Jay's mind; he could barely concentrate on his thoughts. The corner in which was standing on was right outside a popular pub and in front of the street lights, perfect to pick a client if no one came to him soon; it was getting late. As he smoked his third cigarette in the last 20 minutes Jay tried to tell himself he needed this to pay the rent this month or he'd surely be kicked out; one could only get away with so much from a simple blowjob.

"Slow night ain't it, Jay," a shrilly voice spoke behind him, spooking him for second at the close proximity. His tense shoulders relaxed and a wide grin spread across his face as he turned on his heel.

"You too? Oh god, if you're not getting any," Jay gave an exaggerated, dramatic sigh and placed a gloved hand on his chin. "At this rate we'll have to go start packing our things now"  
"No way, don't be like that," Harley gently shoved him. "We can't be that behind."

"Well we wouldn't be if you hadn't bought drugs with our rent money," Jay's smile fell from his face, replaced with an angry frown at the memory of finding out the money he'd saved was gone and Harley was high with some stranger on the couch. Harley merely smiled nervously and held her hands up in defence at Jay sour expression. 

"C'mon Jay," She hugged his side and spoke in a suspiciously sweet voice. "Ya look hot tonight, you'll land someone. Someone so good they'll make ya forget their paying ya for it"

Damn it, she knew how to stroke his ego. Jay's grin was back as he hummed happily at the thought, his usual clients consisted of mob gangsters and thugs so anything else was a major upgrade. He lit another cigarette and pulled out a small compact mirror to check on his makeup. His long eyelashes were coated in at least 5 coats of mascara, the purple eye shadow made his large green eyes stand out and his bright red lipstick made his teeth looking whiter. He winked at himself in the mirror and flashed himself a charming smile before putting it back in his purse. 

"You better fucking hope I do," he pulled his maroon coat over his shoulders as a cold gust of wind sent chills down his thin body. "It's getting late."

"That's when the good ones come out to play," Harley winked and leaned up against the street light near by. Jay rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly and just hoped she was right. No more than 15 minutes later a stunning, white Lexus screeched to a stop only a few feet away from him and his eyes lit up. Without thinking twice, Jay plastered on his charming smile and walked over to the luxurious vehicle.

***********************************

Bruce was tired of dealing with all the cynical guests around him. He was tired of pretending to care about what they had being up to this weekend or about the marvellous restaurant they'd eaten at last night. He simply didn't have the energy to deal with this now; not after Amanda had just dumped him. They'd only being going out for a couple of weeks and if he was being honest with himself, he really didn't care much if she left or not. It was what she'd said that bothered him, that he was selfish guy who didn't give a damn about anyone and if he continued this way he'd end up alone. He was pretty sure he was alone anyways even when she was around, he was alone even with all these people surrounding him. Plus, he was only 26 years old, he had his whole boring life ahead of him to find someone boring enough to spend the rest of his boring time with. Amanda didn't know any better, she was a nice girl (one of the nicer ones he'd dated) but she was only in Bruce's life on borrowed time; a substitute for something missing in his soul. He knew no one and nothing could ever replace what he'd lost and eventually every futile attempt at fixing him would walk away much like Amanda just did and countless others before her. It's not that Bruce wanted to hurt or ridicule any of these women, he just didn't have enough energy to run a multi-million dollar company, take care of himself, wallow in self hatred, host glamorous charity events and be the perfect boyfriend everyone expected him to be. Sure, he would take his dates out on fancy dinners and expensive trips but he suppose that just wasn't enough for them, they wanted more and frankly Bruce didn't have anything else to give. He didn't know how to.  
He decided he needed to get out of here. He needed to get a driver to take him back to his hotel but that was soon proven impossible as his limo was parked behind a sea of cars. Bruce wanted so badly to take his private jet back to Gotham and be home, but he was here on business and that meant he would have to wait another week before seeing his beloved manor and butler again. Ah how he missed Alfred on business trips, the man was probably the only person on earth that Bruce could be genuine around. He cursed his bad luck but refused to stay another minute longer.

"Excuse me," he approached the valet parking service. "Is this Victor Reese's car?"

"Yes sir, Mr Wayne," the young man replied nodding his head eagerly. 

"Give me the keys," Bruce extended his hand. "He's a friend of mine, he won't mind."

Just then, said man came hurried towards them. "Bruce! Bruce wait."

Bruce took the keys from the young man who hadn't even questioned his request at taking someone else's car. Bruce hoped he wouldn't get the boy fired. 

"Bruce what..?" Victor slowed to catch his breath once he was standing next to Bruce, leaning on him for support. "Where are you going?"

"I'm tired. I'm going to my hotel," Bruce replied shortly.

"But Bruce you're the star of the show, the life of party. You can't leave!" Victor tried to reason with him but Bruce wasn't in the mood to be the charming playboy any longer. 

"I need rest. We've both got a lot of work to do this week," Bruce reached around Victor and opened the door to the sports car. Victor grimaced as he leaned down against the opened window gripping it tightly.

"But do you have to take my car? It's new," He said through gritted teeth and a pained expression. "Bruce, you don't even know where you're going. New York's bigger than Gotham, you'll get lost!"

Bruce started the engine and smirked at the sweet purr of the engine. He wasn't one to obsess over cars but he could certainly appreciate such a beautiful, powerful machine. "My limo's not getting out of here any time soon."

"Okay but Bru-" Bruce hurled forward as soon as his foot touched the pedal and Victor jumped back. He sped down the road and let out a small chuckle as the wind blew through his jet black hair. Sure, he didn't know where he was going and he wasn't used to the way this cars pedal were far too sensitive, but at least he was out of there. Away from all those fake, snobby people pretending to give a flying fuck about him. He was just happy to drive around the busy New York streets as if he hadn't a single care in the world; if only for a little while.

It was dark by the time he decided he was completely fucking lost and didn't have a clue where he was. He was almost certain he'd driven into a shady part of town as glancing into dark alleys made his stomach twist in knots and put a sour taste in his mouth. He could see people buying drugs on street corners as if it were legal and prostitutes waltzed around like they owned the place. What the fuck? 

He screeched to a halt on a busy street with loud music and fluorescent lights. Is that a strip club? It didn't matter, the sooner he could read this damn map the sooner he could get out of here. He ran a hand through his hair and frowned at the jumble of lines and numbers on the map in front of him; geography was never his forte. Just when he was about to drive off and find a more secure area to ask for directions, a hoarse voice shook him from his thoughts.

"You lost, sugar?" Bruce looked up to the most vibrant pair of green eyes he had ever seen, they were accompanied by dark makeup which made them seem even brighter. He scanned the owner's face and saw a frail, pointy nose, full eyebrows, hollow cheeks and scarlet red lips twisted into a sickening, almost sweet smile. 

"I..uh.." Bruce was shocked at the sudden company but something about this stranger was so intriguing. Bruce decided this was a man, despite his feminine features and woman's clothing his square back and lack of breasts didn't go unnoticed. "Yes."

"Well don't worry, darling. I can show you where you wanna go," the man gave him a toothy grin. Bruce could see his eyes scanning his face curiously with a hint of glee shining through them. So green.

"Yes, I need directions to The Four Season's Hotel," Bruce kept a clear, professional tone on his voice unconsciously dropping it lower than usual. He couldn't believe he was talking to a prostitute.

The man let out a short whistle. "Boy you're really lost, aren't you," he giggled. It was high-pitched and Bruce couldn't decide if it was cute or annoying.

"Do you know how to get there?" he asked, gripping the steering wheel tightly. The man's giggling stopped but there was still a hint of laughter in his voice. 

"Five bucks," he smirked.

"Five..unbelievable," Bruce said mostly to himself. He didn't care about the money but he was seriously getting charged for a couple of instructions. 

"Price's gone up to ten," the man bit his bottom lip to stop himself from bursting out laughing and Bruce's frown deepened. 

"Alright, fine" Bruce pulled out his wallet and his head started to pound as the man began rambling on about which streets to turn, what shortcuts to take and which suburbs to avoid if he wanted to make it with his car in one piece. The man must've picked up on his utter confusion and gave him a small pitiful smile. Guy sure smiles a lot.

"Listen," he clicked his tongue. "I'll tell you what, make it twenty and I'll be your co-pilot. What do you say, hmm?"

Bruce didn't really get the chance to answer as the man hopped in the car with alarming speed. Bruce swallowed at the sight of the person sitting in his passenger seat, he could see his bottom half now that he was inside the car and the thigh-high boots and short purple skirt made Bruce's eyes go wide. Relax Bruce, what the fuck's wrong with you? How else are you going to get to the hotel? This is good, just start driving and get the fuck out of here. Boy, his skirt is really short. 

"Okay," Bruce gave the man a smirk of his own and switched on his charm. He handed over 20 dollars and almost jumped back at the electrifying feel of the other man's thin hand on his. "Where am I going?"

***************************************

Jay folded his 20 bucks into his boots and pointed to the street lights, chewing his gum loudly. "Turn left."

He couldn't believe this guy, rich, handsome (so handsome) and oh so naive. He probably hadn't even seen a hooker in his whole privileged life. Jay was having fun seated next to the gorgeous man, he couldn't be much older than himself, maybe 25 or 26. His light blue eyes and black hair made Jay want to eat him right up, not to mention his body (oh god his body) even under his expensive suit Jay could see well refined muscle. Even though he was only giving the man directions, Jay felt as if his night had just been made. He didn't need to worry about rent or food or any other bills because he was here in a fucking Lexus right next to prince charming. 

Jay was pulled brutishly from his thoughts as the car screeched, stopping for a second before starting again, only to do it all over only metres later. "Darling, do you not know how to drive a car?"

The man looked over for a second, Jay could see a small blush blooming on his high cheekbones. (Cute!) "What? Yes, yes of course I can."

Jay giggled at his distress. "Turn right," he was having way too much fun.

"It's just," the man gave a nervous laugh. "It's my friends car."

"Oh so you're going around town in a stolen luxurious car picking up hookers, hmm?" Jay leaned suggestively closer and had to slap a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing too much at the other man's moment of panic. 

"No! No, of course not," they both jolted forward at another sudden stop.  
"I'm just teasing, sweetcheeks," Jay smiled sweetly up at him, batting his long lashes. The man chuckled and shook his head in disbelief. "If you were really doing that, you'd steal a car you can actually drive."

"If it's so easy then why don't you drive it then?" The man growled out. Gosh, why is his voice so low and sexy.

"Are you serious?" Jay's eyes lit up, no way he was actually getting to drive a Lexus. "Be my guest." "Move out of the way, handsome. I'm gonna show you what this baby can do."

After switching places on the side of the road, Jay slammed down his foot on the accelerator and sped off into the night; laughing as he did so. The man next to him tensed up and tried to hold onto whatever he could for some security. Jay continued his way to the hotel making sharp turns and over taking anyone he could. 

"How do you know how to drive this thing?" The man asked loudly, getting his voice across over the sound of the engine. 

"When you're hot wiring cars, you don't really get a choice now do you?" Jay tuned to look at him for a split second just to see the look of confusion on his face. "Some are sweet rides and others are a bit more sensitive. Just gotta adjust."

"A hooker and a car thief?" The man laughed. "Interesting mix."

"I'm not a car thief," Jay corrected. "It's just handy when you need to get away."

"From the police?" The man accused but the tone in his voice told Jay he was amused and not angry or offended. Jay didn't answer, simply kept speeding past red lights and stop signs and decided to take the longer route to get to the hotel. 

"So if you're just a hooker and not a car thief, then you must make a lot of money to own a Gucci bag," Jay looked down at his purse and smiled fondly at the memory of stealing it.

"Oh yeah, no less than a hundred bucks an hour," he bit his bottom lip hard. 

"A hundred..?" The man's eyes opened up in disbelief. "No way. You make a hundred dollars an hour?" 

Jay nodded. "You bet, cupcake." 

"That's a pretty stiff deal," the man nodded in agreement with himself. Jay took the opportunity to reach over into the man's lap and feel around for his cock. He hummed in approval.

"Well not yet," Jay took his hand away. The man didn't seem to react to a strangers hand on his dick except with an amused smiled. "But there's hope."

Jay stopped the car in front of the fancy hotel and one of the valet boys came up to them. 

"Will you be needing the car again tonight, Sir?" One asked as Jay was getting out. 

"No, I won't, thanks," his passenger replied gathering his things from the vehicle. Jay stood there awkwardly, he didn't really know what he expected to happen but he hoped the man standing in front of him had a better clue. 

"Here it is," Jay pointed at the large, glorious building. "The Four Seasons."

"Yeah," the man replied stepping closer. "Thank you."

"Oh no biggie," Jay waved a hand. "I do this all the time."

The man scoffed, "I'm sure."

Jay stood there for a few more seconds in silence before deciding to take his leave. "Alright, well I'll see you around when I drop off another hot and rich hunk" He turned on his heel looking for the nearest bus stop but before he could take a single step away, a strong hand seized his wrist. Jay looked up at the man in shock and confusion, his pupils blown wide.

"I happen to have a spare few hundred dollars," the man looked surprised at himself but smiled none the less. "If you have no other rich and hot hunks to drop off tonight, I would like for you to accompany me to my hotel room."

Jay's brows disappeared beneath the fringe of his wig. This guy. "Oh yeah I'm sure you just have a few hundred laying around. I bet you've got the penthouse booked at this place too don't you?"

He couldn't wipe the smile off his face even if he'd wanted to. The man seemed to obviously want him but at the same time he was debating with himself. Jay could see internal conflict within him, as if he were deciding how to act around him; as if he were deciding which mask to put on. Jay could tell because he was the same, different people required different masks for Jay to be able to deal with their presence. His clients all got the charming over-pleaser, his 'friends' got the happy clown and Harley got what was the closest thing to himself but even then he had to fake it sometimes. He supposed he could never truly be himself around others because well, he wasn't even sure himself who his true self was; and he was so afraid, terrified, that he'd spent all that time faking it that now he'd lost himself. 

"It's the best," the man shrugged a shoulder and let go of his wrist. Jay let it drop to his side.

"Alright hot stuff," he smirked and linked arms with the man. "Lead the way."

**Author's Note:**

> osh this is going to be a little longer than i thought. they still need to spend the whole week together yikes


End file.
